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THE TORTURE OF HOMOSEXUALS by inspiredcreativity THE TORTURE OF HOMOSEXUALS by inspiredcreativity

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The Torture Of Homosexuals - 1950s to 1980s

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This is the first of two parts on STONEWALL. It documents the systematic Torture of Homosexuals in the 1950s through the 1970's to the Present.

Homosexual men and women were rendered mentally disabled through the torture of Lobotomies, Electroshock Treatments, Forced Chemical Treatments, Castration, Aversion Therapy, and Experimental Treatments, and this was happening all over the world.

It was all basically a continuation of Tortures used by the Nazis in their attempts to convert homosexuals to heterosexuals in the Concentration Camps.

Aversion therapy is still used today and was used on children as young as 4 years-old. Even today kids are forced into caps or facilities designed to convert them from homosexual to to Straight, despite massive evidence that it has never worked, and subjecting children to Aversion therapy that often ends in Deep depression, decades of psychological problems, and too often, Suicide.

These practices help to build the levels of rage and anger that FUELED THE RIOTS OF STONEWALL, and triggered the LGBTQ MOVEMENT, which now thrives and continues to fight to overcome homophobia and fight for EQUAL RIGHTS.

It is my hope that you will WATCH the EMBEDDED MOVIE and read some of the HISTORY of the LGBTQ Movement.
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ladyblackbird13 Featured By Owner Sep 27, 2015
Oh god...this is horrible.
inspiredcreativity Featured By Owner Sep 28, 2015  Professional Digital Artist
YES is it terrible, and it is still being down in places around the world.  Also, homophobia, especially Christian and Islamic homophobia is driving hundreds of thousand of children to suicide each year, using guilt, shame, bullying and ostracism to cause misery. In Iran, they hung two boys fro being Gay. IRAN EXECUTES 2 GAY TEENAGERS by inspiredcreativity IRAN EXECUTES 2 GAY TEENAGERS
ladyblackbird13 Featured By Owner Sep 28, 2015
One comment: D:
topazlights Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2015
Sad that one must carry the weight of ridicule because you are different. One big thing is we are all from one and part of that one being your self.
inspiredcreativity Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2015  Professional Digital Artist
Some people believe that any atrocity can be justified in the name of God, and if you are different then that also justifies any atrocity.
Sunao17 Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2015  Student Traditional Artist
I can't get it, why some people care about who you sleep with? WHYYY!!!!
inspiredcreativity Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2015  Professional Digital Artist
Two default aspects of Human Nature are, unless trained out of you in youth, are:

• A desire for power and to feel Superior to others, which includes the desire to Dominate others, Subjugate others, Impose your will over others, and Control over others.

• Believing that you are fundamentally better than others
sampea Featured By Owner Jul 24, 2014
.....HOLY SHIT...That's all I have to say...Stupid cursed humanity...
inspiredcreativity Featured By Owner Jul 25, 2014  Professional Digital Artist
I grew up when much of this was still happening (1950s, 1960s, 1970s).  I went into the Merchant Marine (supertanker ships) where discovery of being Gay meant death, being thrown over the side of the ship to drown. The vast majority of humanity felt that you were, "Better off dead than Queer."  It was a crime to be Gay.

Somehow, in the Christian, Jewish and Muslim traditions (not all of them, but the greater majority), if they label you as evil, they can do as many inhumane things to you as they want to, all in the name of their God.  The fault is no so much in the theology as it in the people.  Often, when people decide to do things they know to be wrong, they amply find a way to justify.

Even today, in the USA alone, EVERY YEAR, about 640,000 Sexual Minority youth, as young as 12 years old, go onto the street, and 39% of those were thrown out of their homes after “Coming Out” or discovery of their homosexuality or bisexuality, because of conflicts with moral and religious values. The vast majority of those parents are Christians.

In America, Half (50%) of ALL boys who attempt or succeed in killing themselves, are Gay or Bisexual.  If you include girls, 30% of ALL CHILDREN who attempt or succeed in killing themselves, are Gay, Bisexual, Lesbian, or Transgendered. 85% of ALL Sexual Minority Youth have thought seriously about committing suicide (73% in a 2004 study). A gay, bisexual, lesbian, transgender and/or questioning youth commits suicide every five hours and 48 minutes.

50% of gay males experienced a negative parental reaction when they came out.

More than 30% of lesbian and gay people have suffered physical violence at the hands of a family member.

Sexual Minority Youth were more likely to report symptoms of a major depressive episode than heterosexual youth, with gay males significantly more likely to meet the criteria for a major depressive episode than heterosexual males (42.1% compared to 24.4%). GBLT adolescents were also more likely to have posttraumatic stress disorder.

Once kids end up on the streets, kids face violence, rape, sexual exploitation, disease, untreated HIV, alcoholism, drug addiction, suicide and exposure, leading to a Death Rate among street kids that is 11 times higher than that of other children5,000 kids die on the streets of America each year, for an average of 13 Kids dying every day on American Streets.

In conclusion, there is still a very long way to go to reduce the inhumanity facing Sexual Minority youth, just in America alone, let alone the rest of the world.  Our greatest hope is always in the youth of each generation, to end the inhumanity, the hate, intolerance and vilification of Sexual Minorities.
sampea Featured By Owner Jul 24, 2014
Poor them...
missmdanielle Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2014
i want to use this in my English Essay but not sure how to cite it.. where did this come from? help!!!!
inspiredcreativity Featured By Owner Apr 4, 2014  Professional Digital Artist
Hi, I can supply you references below:

A reminder that if you want to play the video on page one, you must download the the PDF document to your computer.  Apparently DA no longer allows the playing of embedded videos in PDFs.

Also, the link I had for YouTube source for the video on Page one is now dead.  If you find any other dead links, please let me know.

I highly recommend renting or buying the DVD STONEWALL UPRISING… $13.49 by PBS. I used it as a reference in a few places. It is a valuable reference for anyone interested in Gay History.

LGBT History: The Decade of Lobotomies, Castration and Institutions:… including Atascadero State Hospital in California, dubbed the Homosexual Dachau death camp.

A gay teen describes her experience at a Utah brainwashing facility:…


BYU Gay Electro Shock Torture:…

Electric shock aversion therapy device:… &…

Video: Mike Wallace - "The Homosexuals" (1967, Recap Version) (homophobic):…
Video: BOYS BEWARE! Anti-Gay Lecture to Kids…
Video: Homosexuality - An Educational Movie (Homophobic )…

The 'Sissy Boy' Experiment: Experimental therapy to cure feminine behavior in boys, leading to widespread suicides.
AC360 - The 'Sissy Boy' Experiment - Part 1…
AC360 - The 'Sissy Boy' Experiment - Part 2…
AC360 - The 'Sissy Boy' Experiment - Part 3…
AC360 - The 'Sissy Boy' Experiment - Part 4…

Video: Does Exodus sanction forcing kids into exgay programs?…

Lance Carrol (16) Survives Refuge, an ex-gay ministry survivor:…
ThePanicLegend Featured By Owner Mar 14, 2014  Student
No one can know what god wants or thinks, he never came down and told anyone now did he? Religion is cancer, it's made to control others, not to help people but to forbid them certain ways to live. It sorta leads to a closed mind in my opinion, if a book and your society tells you about something, and you don't spend one second on thinking if you actually should do that... mmmmhh that's weak, and not to forget gay marriage is allowed in only countries with low religious influence, so is getting rid of religion making us more accepting? Still sorta strange we renew our chemistry books all the time, we find out more about it, more detailed, or maybe completetely different facts and no one wants to get teached things that were accurate 50 years ago. But they still follow that 2000 year old book to the death. gg humans.
inspiredcreativity Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2014  Professional Digital Artist
Your comment is very well said, but I would add something to it.  Most people both need and demand to be controlled by religion. Even worse, they demand to be controlled in great detail.  In Christianity, Jesus gave people just 2 Commandments to follow: Love god and love your neighbor.  Obviously, if you love your neighbor you will not steal, rape, murder, cheat them, etc.  But this is not good enough for most people.  They demand to be told exactly what they can and cannot do, in great detail.  But they miss the point.  You can follow your religion's rules to the letter, even give money to charity, and still get to 'heaven.' Jesus told them that they must "Love their neighbor." Spirituality is about your own personal beliefs, while Religion is like an exclusive club with thousands of rules.  Religion and churches are made up of people, and each religion is based on what people wanted at that time.  Religion can be a tremendous crutch to lean on when you are suffering. 

If I wanted to label myself, I would call myself a Humanist.  I choose to be a good man out of my own desire to be good, not because of the threat of a hell or the promise of a heaven, nor from a belief in a god or gods.  I personally do not believe in Gods, but I respect most people who do.  Did you know that we can create the God experience in your brain by energizing an electromagnet over your 'Front Right Temporal Lobe' of your brain?  This mimics what happens when we are under great stress (mental, emotional, physical or spiritual stress), grief, anxiety, and/or fear, OR at times of deep reflection (such as during meditation). When this area is stimulated, people experience vivid visions involving a comforting presence outside of themselves, typically accompanied by a visual manifestation in the upper visual sphere. 

In the entire history of mankind, Christianity and Islam account for the vast majority of homophobia and crimes against Sexual Minorities.  Before Christianity, homosexuality was actually seen a good and special thing in aboriginal tribes in the Americas, Australian continent, Island communities and so on.  Shamans, Medicine men/women, seers, tribal teachers tribal negotiators were typically homosexual.  American native peoples referred to us as Two-Spirits, we were the bridge between the male and female spirits.

The vast Persian empire, the Greek empire and the Roman Empire all treated homosexual sex as part of normal sexuality.  In ancient times, they did not see people as homosexual or heterosexual, it was only a matter of who you chose to have sex with. Did you know that the Sacred Band of Thebes, the most famous army of the Greeks, was made up of homosexual couples?  The entire army was made up of male lovers.  Plato sleeks of the advantages of having an army of male lovers, for who could turn and run in cowardice in front of their lover?

This may be a shock to you, but the original Christian New Testament (Bible), written in Coptic Greek, does NOT say anything bad about homosexual sex.  It is the TRANSLATORS of the bible who say homosexuality is a sin. Many books have been written on this and I have written about it as well.  Translators have taken a word-pair (two words used together) to mean homosexual sex, but this is not at all what those words mean in Coptic Greek.  Everything you hear about homosexuality being a sin is a LIE.  Further, in Matthew, Mark, Luke and John, the eyewitnesses of the words of Jesus, there is not one word, not one hint of Jesus ever saying anything bad about homosexual sex.  Therefore, any Christian telling you that homosexual sex is a sin, is wrong.  There are now a number of Christian churches who say that homosexual sex is NOT a son, when done in the confines of a Gay Marriage/Relationship.

CONCLUSION: Scholars have proven that the biblical translations about homosexuality being a sin are false, but most Christian churches are far too invested in the lie to change their teachings.  Science has now proven that people are born homosexual and that it is seen throughout the animal kingdom, especially in mammals like us.  Therefore, homosexuality must be part of God's plan (if there is a god).  Religion has been at war with Science for thousands of years.  It will take a long time to admit the truth, if ever.

I imagine that you do not have an interest in Christianity and Homosexuality, but if you have freinds who are Gay and Christian, you might give them following 3 links to my papers about it, to show them that God, Jesus and the bible do not say that homosexual sex is a sin:
New Testament + Homosexuality by inspiredcreativity New Testament & Homosexuality
Old Testament + Homosexuality by inspiredcreativity Old Testament & Homosexuality
Sodom and Gomorra were two ancient Early-Bronze-Age cities in a fertile region of the Middle East, near the Dead Sea.  The time is shortly before dawn on 6-29-3129 BCE, and 600 miles (966 Km) from Sodom & Gomorrah, there are two Samarian Astronomers observing the skies.  They observed a fiery body traveling across the night sky.  They inscribed its path and it relative course and position against the stars on a clay disk, called a Planisphere.  Dr. Hempsall and Alan Bond deciphered the clay disk and used computers to recreate the night sky thousands of years ago. They pinpointed the sighting of the ancient astronomers to shortly before dawn on June 29 in the year 3123 B.C.
The asteroid, which was about 1.25 Km (0.78 Miles) in diameter, exploded above the ground with a force of a 10,000 megaton nuclear weapon (100 times more powerful than any nuclear weapon on earth). 
Oralle08 Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
That's terrible! Nobody should have to go through with things like that, no matter what their sexual orientation is. It sickens me that this actually happened to people, even if they'd done absolutely nothing wrong. :(
inspiredcreativity Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2014  Professional Digital Artist
Yes, it is terrible.  It is not even a matter of Islam, it is amateur of using religion as an excuse for brutality.  Iran also intimidates and/or forces Gay men to have Sexual Reassignment Surgery (cuts off their penis and make a vagina) to turn them into women, and to take Lesbians and turn them into men.  Iran has the highest rate of Sexual Reassignment Surgery in the world, and the vast majority of it is involuntary (do it face death).

Science has proven that we are born Straight, Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Asexual, Transgender and everything in-between, yet still religions ignores this and continues to vilify, murder, torture, and discriminate against Sexual Minorities, all in the name of their God and prophets.
Oralle08 Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
The things that people do these days sickens me :( Even if I'm not a religious person, I still know that God loves all of us unconditionally and -as far as my knowledge goes of religion on this subject- wouldn't punish people for who they love, and yet people take it upon themselves to punish those who have apparently done wrong
inspiredcreativity Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2014  Professional Digital Artist
This has a lot to do with Human Nature itself, where people tend to naturally desire to feel superior to others, or to hide their own faults and shortcomings by tearing other people down.  This is one of the fundamental causes of bigotry.  Jesus spoke about looking to improve your own soul, rather than pointing your finger at others in righteousness.  We all have faults to the day we die.  Therefore we can always be focused on improving ourselves, rather than wasting time and energy focused on other people's faults.

Religion can sometimes give permission to be bigoted, as Christianity supported slavery around the world for over a millennium and a half. Christianity also supported bigotry against non-Christians, and even again other types of Christians.  I was raised believing that Protestants could not go to heaven and that marrying a protestant was a sin. Christianity supported bigotry against Heathens (anyone not a Christian), Pagans (believe in more than one god), Jews, etc.  Christianity also supported bigotry against Sexual Minorities for over two millennia. 

During the Little Ice Age of Europe, people started blaming the church for horrible weather for over a hundred years, leading to disease, plague and famine. Less money was coming into the church and attendance in church was dropping. So the Pope decided to proclaim that the cause for the bad weather was witches, and created the church organization that oversaw hundreds of years of witch hunts, witch burnings/stoning/drownings and countless suffering.  This organization became that platform for the horror of the Inquisitions that saw the torture, murder and burning of hundreds of thousands of people.   A pope woke up one morning and declared he had a vision from God to wipe-out the Cathars, committing genocide in the killing of all children, women and men who were Cathars.

The thing to remember is that organized RELIGIONS are all about people—they are like exclusive clubs with tons of rules.  Many if not most of a Religion's "rules" are not from the words of Jesus Christ.  They are rules created by men, who say they are interpreting the way they believe god wants you to live your life.

SPIRITUALITY is a very different thing.  Spirituality is all about your own person spiritual connections to your believes and values and usually a higher power. 

CONCLUSION: People are very fallible.  Religions are made-up of fallible people who set the rules and regulations of the religion. The followers of a given religion are also fallible people.  Many of these fallible people use their religion as an excuse to be cruel, to discriminate, lie, cheat, torture, murder, genocide and all other sorts of sin, all in the same of their god and religion.  When a religion then supports those acts, the results is a horror.  This is true of all religions.  Even Buddhism has seen some excesses, although they are the least abusive of their religion.  
Oralle08 Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Very interesting. I can't help but ask, do you have a degree in psychology or something? Because I'm quite impressed with your views on human nature, and I agree with you about some people using religion
inspiredcreativity Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2014  Professional Digital Artist
I have a degree in Engineering, but I got certified as a Peer Counselor at the University of Washington.  I have been doing Peer Counseling for over 23 years.  I started with Sexual Minority Adults and Street Kids, but eventually focused on Sexual Minority Youth, which I still do now. Most of the counseling is focused on depression/anxiety, suicide and Sexual Minority issues, rape, low self-worth and low self-confidence, etc.  DA is one of the outlets I used to connect with those needing help. 

I am Autistic.  Understanding people was a major deficit in me. I think this really pushed me hard to understand what made people tick. Most of the things you do involving socializing are things I could not do.  I was extremely isolated when I was a boy.  I could not understand why people did bad things to me, because I never had thoughts of doing bad things to others.  So, it made no sense to me. When I went to sea, my crew was constantly changing (every month), so I had to learn about each of them as fast as possible. It was after I survived trying to kill myself when I learned the most.  In my attempt to understand myself, I learned a great deal about others and human nature.  Finally, when you have experience the problems and issues that many others have, like depression, suicide, rape, self-hatred, survivor of abuse, death and grief, low self-confidence, etc, you can then relate better to those who have these issues. 

I retired at age 34 as a Chief Engineer, then dedicated my life to volunteer work.  I started out working to feed the hungry and do in-home care for those dying of AIDS.  I then added in primary care for those dying of AIDS (hospice care), and went to school for Counseling.  As my arthritis and nerve degeneration progressed (started age 12), I was losing the ability to do physical care of others, so I started focusing more on counseling.  
Ghoti657 Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2014  Student Digital Artist
Oh I got two of my degrees at UW I'm at U of Utah now :( it is really really really annoying here.
inspiredcreativity Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2014  Professional Digital Artist
Utah must be rather isolating for you after living in Seattle, but at least once you finish university work at least you will be free to move and discover diversity of people and culture again, assuming your other half is willing to move.  I earned my Engineering Degree in California, near San Francisco, from a Merchant Marine Academy.  In your first year, you are not even allowed to leave campus except on certain holidays, which puts a whole new meaning in the concept of sticking to studying.  So, maybe Utah is not so bad after all, lol.  Hey, second year you can go out on weekends, then third year you can leave until midnight, and fourth year you can leave anytime, but then they give you so many duties, responsibilities and work that you can't leave anyway.

I must confess to desiring a warmer climate, like maybe NAPA or Sonoma Valleys, Santa Barbara, etc, but my partner seems glued to Seattle, and my older sister is here.  Cold and wet is very hard on arthritis.
(1 Reply)
Oralle08 Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
You are a very good person, I have to say. I wish there were more people out there like you had have the ability to make a difference. And Peer Counsellor for over 23 years? That's quite an achievement. Kudos to you!
inspiredcreativity Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2014  Professional Digital Artist
Thanks.  I wish you all the best that life and love can offer you.
(1 Reply)
DeviantAspie Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
What does castration do?? Pfft. Wtf?
inspiredcreativity Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2013  Professional Digital Artist
Castration is a MUTILATION of Boys and Men. This is when the TESTICLES & SCOTUM of a boy or man are cut off. The testicles are where the vast majority of testosterone is produced in men and boys, as is the only place where sperm is produced. Castration causes a feminization of men. A man needs full levels of Testosterone to maintain muscle mass, deep voice, body hair, flat chests, lower body fat, sexual libido, ability to engage in sex, etc. Castration also sterilizes a man, meaning he can never father a child. Removing the testicles of boys and young men under the age of 25 will arrest their development in a number of ways. When done to men, the men can start devoting breasts, lose body hair, lose muscle mass, gain body fat, and lose the desire and ability to be sexual. It robs men of their masculinity and masculine identity.

In the 18th century Christian Catholic church, they used to cut the testicles off of young boys so that their voices would not change, keeping the boys and later men with beautiful soprano voices. The boys and men were known throughout the world as the Castrati or Castrato [link]. They concealed their emotional pain while being idolized as singing angels by the royal courts and the relatively few wealthy aristocrats, yet were shunned as half-men by everyone else. Of course we now know it to have been an atrocity committed against young boys, who had to live with the consequences for the rest of their lives.

Anne Rice, the author of the Vampire books, wrote a book Cry To Heaven (iTunes [link]) (Amazon [link]) about a boy who was made Castrati. It is a good read.

In the Persian empire and arab areas, boys and young men were castrated so that they could be servants and maintainers of the Harems. The wealthy men could marry many wives and they wives lived isolated lives, sealed way from the world in Harems. No man could ever enter except the one husband, or face execution. Therefore they used castrated men who could not sire any babies.

The Chinese did the same thing, only using them for harems and also as administrators for the Emperors courts, basically administering the entire empire, making them very powerful, but also despised.

Testosterone is actually the driver of sexual libido (sex drive) in both men and women, but the levels in women are much, much lower than in men.

Another horrible Genital Mutilation going on this very day in large numbers, is Female Genital Mutilation (Female Circumcision) [link] where women are mutated in 28 countries in western, eastern, and north-eastern Africa, particularly Egypt and Ethiopia, and in parts of Asia and the Middle East (Arab Countries) to prevent girls and women from ever enjoying sex, to better please men, etc, and in fact it often makes sex painful, but they have no power to say 'no' to sex, being essentially slaves in all ways to their husbands.

It can be the removal of the clitoris and clitoral hood (Type I), or go even further and removal of the clitoris and inner labia (Type II), or the worse, the removal of all or part of the inner and outer labia, and the clitoris, and the fusion of the wound (Type III); only a small hole is left for the passage of urine and menstrual blood, and the wound is opened for intercourse and childbirth. It is horrific and horribly painful for the woman to have sex with a Type III.

The reasons given for the practice, depending on where it is being done, are as follows:
    Hygienic and Aesthetic: The external female genitalia are considered dirty and "unsightly" and should be flat, rigid and dry;

    Sociological: Identification with the cultural traditions, as a rite of passage of girls into womanhood, and for the maintenance of social cohesion;

    Psychological: Reduction of sensitive tissue and thus to curb sexual pleasure in order to maintain chastity and virginity, to guarantee women's fidelity, and even to increase male sexual pleasure;

    Myths and False Beliefs: To enhance fertility and promote child survival; and

    Religious: Female Genital Mutilation/Cutting has been practiced in a range of communities with different religions: Christian, Muslim and Animist. Yes, Christians do this too. Muslim communities often have the FALSE belief that Female Genital Mutilation/Cutting is related to teachings of the Islamic law.
DeviantAspie Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Yes, that is horrible! I read about female genital mutilation, I know it happens in Egypt and the mother supports their own daughter to get it at a young age. So horrifying. I wouldn't even wish that on my own worst enemy.
DeviantAspie Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Wait, I though of something else. Nevermind.
ChocolateIcecake Featured By Owner Jul 27, 2012
Gosh, I wish I had stumbled upon this earlier; it's got everything I need to know about how Homosexuals were treated in Mental Institutions. (I'm writing a story, you see) It's really sad to see how these people were treated then and now. Again, thank you for posting this, I hope I can use some of the information.
inspiredcreativity Featured By Owner Jul 28, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
Feel free to use what you can. I can give you the reference links to the videos and some of the information. Most of it is readily found. I wrote this with an intention that it be the introduction to help people understand Stonewall itself, which I was going to write next. Time has been a big issue, but I still hope to do it. You cannot possibly understand Stonewall, without understand what it was like before Stonewall.

I would like to add that iI grew up in the 1950s through 1970s and entered the Gay community in around 1976. I lived through much of the history of that time. I can especially speak of what it was like top be Gay in the 1970s, pre-AIDS, and then living through the first rumors of the Gay cancer, then AIDS. I have been with my partner Greg for over 22 years now.

I highly recommend renting or buying the DVD STONEWALL UPRISING [link] $13.49 by PBS. I used it as a reference in a few places. It is a valuable reference for anyone interested in Gay History.

I have other LGBTQ related Deviations, if you would like me to Note you a Thumbnail list.

Best of luck in your project.
DarkRiderDLMC Featured By Owner Mar 10, 2013
I remember seeing a video as AIDS started to ravage the gay community in which a CDC worker was putting up AIDS warning posters in San Francisco and a group of gay men was following her around, screaming at her that the government was "just trying to control the gay lifestyle" and tearing the posters down as she put them up.

After reading this, I feel more sympathy for those poor, misguided no doubt long dead men, most of whom no doubt refused to believe in the monster until it's claws were in them.
inspiredcreativity Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2013  Professional Digital Artist
Hi, Thanks for writing and for your interest in the subject.

I was born in 1955 and was a young man when AIDS first appeared. I wrote this deviation to help younger people better understand Gay Pride, Stonewall and yes even the attitudes of Gay men and women back then.

The Gay Community was very underground and it was not even easy to find your way into it. Homosexuality was a crime. Both the FBI and Police had major surveillance and sting operations to root-out this homosexual perversion from society. Being ‘Outed’ meant losing your licenses (be it as a hairdresser, doctor, Merchant Seaman, lawyer, etc), your career and often your family and friends. When I came out to my mother, she called me a disgusting Pervert and said she would rather me be, “Dead than Queer.”

Growing up Gay then was a living hell for the vast majority of us. I started seeing how I was different at age 11. I was raised in a very strict Catholic family and I was an altar boy who wanted to be a Priest. One day our priest told us altar boys that when a boy is attracted to another boy he is an Abomination in the eyes of God, doomed to burn for an eternity in the everlasting fires of Gahanna. Note: Gahanna was the garbage dump for Jerusalem, located in the Valley of Hinnom, so the methane gas produced by the rotting biologicals kept the dump smoldering and burning constantly. I was horrified and kept praying to God to make me ‘Normal.’ A few days later I tried to kill myself by jumping off a Ventura Freeway overpass, but some stranger grabbed my feet aw I going over the chain link fence.

The government and police were our enemies. Even now, you cannot trust sex surveys involving homosexuality, because even though they may tell you it is anonymous, do you believe them? Even now many gay couples will not mark their census as being in homosexual relationship. The older you are, the less you trust such things. The fear and distrust is hard-wired into us from a young-age.

Even back in the 1970s it was still really bad, with the only openly gay people existing in the Gay Ghettos of the largest cities. There were few Gay relationships because two men couldn’t live together for very long without suspicion, even with women freinds coming and going. I only got away with having a partner and living with him, because my employer, Exxon (homophobe central) was thousands of miles away, and they flew me around the world to where I was needed. I had to carefully watch everything I said and did, and went talking about home life, constantly turning ‘him’ and ‘he’ into ‘her’ and ‘she.’ I once sat down and crossed one of my knees over the other, and it was immediately noticed and joked about for a week, about how I sat like a faggot. Mail is not private on ships, so Paul became Paulla in our mail. On Merchant ships, if they find out you are Gay, they kill you, they simply toss you over the side of the ship (The FBI gets told, “The poor fellow must have slipped and gone over the side during the night). I imagine that you think I am exaggerating, but that was how it was in those days.

We first started hearing rumors about Gay meant getting sick and dying from something. The CDC started trying to get the word out to the Gay Community. Many Gay men saw it as a ploy to identify us for the government, while others felt that the disease was generated by the government to kill us. It was around 1979 when I volunteered in trials for the Hepatitis B vaccine. When the vaccine later came out, it was only available to those at high wrist, such as medical workers and homosexuals. Since the vaccine was being made in Africa then, and was tested on monkeys before humans, many in the Gay community that AIDS hit medical workers and homosexuals at a much higher rate because of so many of us getting the Hep B vaccine.

Next, couple all of this to the fact that other than the CDC, no one in the government was willing to do anything about AIDS—NOTHING. President Reagan refused to even say the word AIDS. There were no research funds, almost no prevention funds. We knew almost nothing about AIDS for far too long, not knowing how it was spread, how you got infected, if treatment was possible. Gay men were dying alone on tourneys in hallways. I had a friend who did not received CPR because the doctors and nurses refused to do it. All of this was reinforcing the belief that the government was our enemy.

Our Sexual Minority Community took it all on ourselves. We formed charities, volunteered, became activists. I left my job at age 34 and devoted my life to volunteering to care for those dying of AIDS, then later counseling to those in our community. We also started the Quilt project which did a great deal to raise awareness. We started hospice care and soup kitchens.

Yes, many did feel that the government was, “just trying to control the gay lifestyle,” but it is easily understood if taken in the proper cultural context of what it was like to be Gay then.

. . . . .


I thought it a good idea to tell just a bit of my story to help you see what being Gay was like back then:

I was 19 and a cadet in a Merchant Marine Academy, and I still knew nothing about sex, what it was, or even what those swear words meant. Besides growing up strictly catholic, it did not help that I was Autistic as well. A cadet smuggled a porn film and small projector onto the ship. While I was able to see some of the oral sex, I asked one of my mates why that naked guy was doing push-ups on top of that woman. Thank some deity that they all took it as a grand joke, not realizing I was serious. I still knew nothing of Gay sex. I fantasized simply about hugging and kissing a guy and living together.

I would go into the city on a weekend day sometimes to visit ships and get tours of their Engine rooms. One time, in a public restroom, I got grabbed from behind by two men, one with a rather large and sharp looking knife, gagged and dragged into a utility closet. Let me just say that some but not much happened before I heard men in the restroom and kicked the lower guy hard enough that it brought help. One of the rescuers asked me to please not judge all gay men based on those two animals. I asked what “Gay” was, and shocked to realize I was one. After I told him, he gave me his copy of the local gay newspaper, which also covered my home city. This would later be my ticket into the Gay Community.

You could not look-up ‘Gay’ in the phone book, there was no internet, no advertisement in newspapers or magazines, and gay publications were rare and only obtainable in the largest cities. Being Gay in rural areas and small towns usually meant a lifetime of loneliness and lack of intimacy in your life.

I was 22 and sailing on ships when I could not stand the loneliness anyone. I grew up in a home where pretty much the only touch was rough-touch and violent touch. It was very COLD in my family, no intimacy. Plus, my Autism and the rape thing had been holding me back from going out to try to meet men. Anyway, I forced myself to go to one of the Gay bars listed in the 2+ year-old newspaper the man had given me years before (some places were now closed but most were still open).

I sat there sipping a 7-Up (I never drank or did drugs) until a man approached me, we talked and then he asked me to come to his place. I went home with a guy. I was so innocent and naive that is was rather pathetic. I was thinking in terms of dating, like people did in High School (not allowed in the Academy). This was my first oral sex, and frankly, the entire incident was rather negative.

I entered a Gay Community were long-term romantic partnerships were rare, unless you could live and work in the Gay Ghettos. Two men could not live together for very long without very high risk of being outed. When I tired to date guys, they looked at me like I was nuts. One man said, “Gay men are very different from Straight men, we are not meant to be in relationships, we are made to Flit from flower to flower, like a bee, sucking of the many nectars.” But this is not what I wanted.

I have had many a Gay man accuse me of trying to EMULATE straight people and straight relationships, like you are trying to pretend you are straight. But this is not true. I do not even think it is healthy for Gay men and women to emulate gender and sexual roles in Gay Relationships. We can still have loving and committed relationships that are unique to us, based in equality and mutual respect at all levels. Gay relationships are now taken for granted, but there was a time when both Straight and Gay people were against Gay long-term committed relationships. The more our Western Society has come to tolerate and accept homosexuality, the more equality and freedom sexual minorities have gained, the greater the numbers of Gay relationships happen, and the less of a very promiscuous lifestyle you find in our community. Not having to exist in an underground community makes all the difference in the world to our Quality-Of-Life and being able to fulfill our dreams and potential, to experience long-term life.

. . . . . . . . .

When I found guys who would date me, they would not wait for me when I went to sea for a couple of months (I would sail two months and then be home two months). Finally a guy waited for me, and I ended up in a relationship. As I said above, it only worked because I was thousands of miles away from my employer.

During the first 10 years of the AIDS crisis, I was in two relationships, then I was abstinent for a year before meeting my current partner of 23 years. Alas, I have buried so many friends, including a Straight woman friend.

Those who attack and hate Sexual Minorities like to mention how promiscuous Gay men were in those days, but I would point out to you that gay men were forced into an underground lifestyle where normal relationships were impossible, yet both needs for intimacy and sexuality still had to be met. Gay men survived as best they could, although many died young, often from suicide. 50% of boys who attempt or succeed in killing themselves are Gay or bisexual (as of about 6 years ago). Many Sexual Minority youth end up on the streets, having been thrown out on the street for being a sexual minority, or running from homophobic abuse. There are no statistics for my time period and up into the 1990s.

Lesbians had things a bit better than Gay men did in the times prior to the 1990s. It was very acceptable and even expected for two unmarried women to live together, going back well into the prior century. While lesbians were present and had a few significant roles at Stonewall, it was in very small numbers. It was not until the AIDS crisis when Lesbians really got heavily involved in the Sexual Minority movement, in fundraising and organizations helping men dying of AIDS. Gay leaders kept dying, so it was Lesbian leaders who helped to give the movement continuity.

If not for Gay activists, men and women who got arrested a number of times, who did public rallies and walking public picket lines, demanding research funds, demanding rights for Sexual Minorities, the rights our community now enjoy would not have happened yet.


You and your generation cannot possibly fully realize what it was like growing up as a Sexual Minority in decades long past, but it is my hope that you can understand it enough to understand the Gay Underground Community of the past, and why some Gay men seems paranoid or downright crazy in hindsight.

You are told that only 10% of the population is Gay, but this is far from the truth. Until cultural fear is removed from those who identify as a Sexual Minority, we will never have an accurate count, no matter how anonymous pollster claim it is. In Exxon, they offered a free and completely anonymous program for alcohol and drug treatment (think of the Exxon Valdez), but not one of us in the fleet trusted Exxon’s claim of anonymity. It comes down to TRUST. There are far more Gay and Lesbian relationships than the census shows, because many in our community still distrust how the government will use such information.

We now know that all humans exist on a Sexual Spectrum Are You Straight, Gay, or Bi? [link] . There are no magic line drawn to define when you are Gay, Bisexual, or Straight. Some of us know our Sexual Identity from a young age, while other are still on a journey of discover in their 20s. Sexual Orientation is NOT about who you are physically attracted to or have sex with, it is about who you are romantically attracted to and who you romantically love.

I live in Washington Staite where we have Domestic Partnership’s, and as of the last election cycle, we now how Gay Marriage. Frankly, my partner and I did not need Gay Marriage. Greg and I long ago committed to each other in our own hearts, and covered all legal necessities via Trusts, Powers of Attorney, etc. But we worked to make Gay Marriage happen so that all sexual Minorities would have equal rights before the law. The notion of, “Separate but Equal,” is BIGOTRY.

If you have an interest in Sexual Minority Issues, I have some other related deviations:
    Coming Out Gay Age 13, 1968 [link]
    The Science of Homosexuality [link]
    The Science of GAYDAR [link]
    Are You Straight, Gay, or Bi? [link]
    History of The Pink Triangle [link]
    The Faces of Teen Suicide [link]
    The Torture Of Homosexuals - 1950s to 1980s [link]
Obviously many Christian people (but not all by far) who believe that God and their church gives them permission to be bigoted against Sexual Minorities, allowing them to hate, discriminate, and commit crimes of inhumanity against Sexual Minorities. This flies in the face of the teachings of Christ. They quote the bible without knowing what they are talking about. You find out the truth about it all here:
    New Testament + Homosexuality [link]
    Old Testament + Homosexuality [link]
    SODOM DESTROYED ON 6-29-3129BC [link]
For deviations on Love, Finding a Mate, Relationships and Intimacy:
    What Is Love All About? [link]
    What To Look For In A Mate [link]
    HUMAN INTIMACY - 101 [link]
Thanks for having the patience to read all of this,
DarkRiderDLMC Featured By Owner Mar 13, 2013
"You and your generation" I was born in 1953, my generation won't be around enough longer to gain any empathy you old folks are hoping we'll stumble into :D
inspiredcreativity Featured By Owner Mar 13, 2013  Professional Digital Artist
Goodness, you are only second person I have run into on DA older than I am. Without an age showing on a person’s page, it is usually safe for me to assume he or she is young, since the vast majority of people on DA are underage. When I first came to DA, it was not as skewed. I saw an age survey done for DA Deviants and it did not even include our age group, lol.

Anyway, since we are of the same generation, perhaps you will better understand my story.

Alas, my mother just passed away last night.

All the best...
ChocolateIcecake Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2012
Thank you, I would love the extra information and reference links. I'll see if I can find the DVD when I have time; school coming up and all.

And I'm glad that you've been with your partner for that amount of time. It must've been hard living through the 70s and being Gay. Kinda interested in your story now.

And thank you, it's going slowly, but I think I'll pull through with it. Once again, thank you so much for posting this. Really helpful.
inspiredcreativity Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
You are most welcome. The DVD I mentioned before [ STONEWALL UPRISING [link] $13.49 by PBS ] has a lot of good references in it, but here are some more to get you going:

LGBT History: The Decade of Lobotomies, Castration and Institutions: [link] including Atascadero State Hospital in California, dubbed the Homosexual Dachau death camp.

A gay teen describes her experience at a Utah brainwashing facility: [link]

[link] Man Killed

BYU Gay Electro Shock Torture: [link]

Electric shock aversion therapy device: [link] & [link]

Video: Waterboarding/Shock/Surgery for Gays (Historic footage): [link]
Video: Mike Wallace - "The Homosexuals" (1967, Recap Version) (homophobic): [link]
Video: BOYS BEWARE! Anti-Gay Lecture to Kids [link]
Video: Homosexuality - An Educational Movie (Homophobic ) [link]

The 'Sissy Boy' Experiment: Experimental therapy to cure feminine behavior in boys, leading to widespread suicides.
AC360 - The 'Sissy Boy' Experiment - Part 1 [link]
AC360 - The 'Sissy Boy' Experiment - Part 2 [link]
AC360 - The 'Sissy Boy' Experiment - Part 3 [link]
AC360 - The 'Sissy Boy' Experiment - Part 4 [link]

Video: Does Exodus sanction forcing kids into exgay programs? [link]

Lance Carrol (16) Survives Refuge, an ex-gay ministry survivor: [link]
ChocolateIcecake Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012
Again, thank you so much! You've really made this easier for me. I will continue to write my story now, hopefully getting the facts straight.
inspiredcreativity Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
You are most welcome. As you can see, there is a ton of work required when you want to write about a subject and get all of the facts straight. The best of luck.
albertojz356 Featured By Owner Jul 17, 2012
Through the pain and sufferings you've lived through you've pulled yourself together to collect strength to stand up for the lives of others, you have a kind and warm heart and you sir are a hero.
inspiredcreativity Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
Thank you for the kind words. We humans tend to see suffering as a terrible thing, yet it can also allow us to experience more intense happiness and joy. How can we appreciate warmth if we have not experience freezing cold? The deeper into the pit of despair you fall, the higher you can soar one like a bird. I life with a lot of physical pain each day of my life and my physical quality of life is very low. I am also isolated in my home. Ye emotionally i am relatively content and experience some happiness each day. I can do this because I now appreciate the smallest things in life. I can focus on what I can do and that feels good and not fixate on what I can no longer do or on the physical pain.

Helping others is too often seen as a person sacrifice and something special to do. I wish it was seen more as a privilege and honor to do, and something that should be part of all of our lives. When we give of ourselves for the benefit of others, it has benefit to our emotional being and happiness. In other words, helping others is not a one way street where we give to others, because there is always something in return, if you are open to receive it.
glimpses2020 Featured By Owner Jul 8, 2012
Your soul is in this and the rest of your work. I've followed your story and I think you are a great man. You have made your mark in life and I am made stronger by you.

It is always a privilege having you share your experiences and thoughts. Thank-you.
inspiredcreativity Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
You are most welcome. Thank you for the kind words.

I have found that when I open myself completely and honestly, good things happen, and they happen because it is a loving act. When you open the door to your heart, it is like a big invitation to come in. Others feel safe in opening up themselves and sharing the secrets which have bound them. Secrets can become our prison. By opening up and sharing your secrets, they lose all power over you and set you free. There is no more shame and guilt. Some people will reject you and think less of you, but now you know that everyone who loves you, is loving you for who you really are. You no longer care what others think about you. Being open and host about yourself helps both yourself and others.

When we suffer in life, something I guess I have had an abundance of, it can push us towards being more compassionate, loving, understanding, tolerant, appreciative, and thoughtful. OR, it can push you towards bitterness, anger, hate, blaming, narrow mindedness, intolerance, mean-spiritness, etc. There is a large element of CHOICE in this. When the pain gets really bad and I want to lash out in frustration and anger, I work at turning away from the path and channeling in a more positive way.

I feel a strong sense of community with my GLBTQ bothers and sisters. But I have a special place in my heart of GLBTQ Youth. Most of us know how much suffering can be felt by GLBTQ youth, because we experienced it ourselves and keep seeing it happening. We also know how much it can affect the rest of your life. 23 years ago I dedicated my entire life to helping those dying of AIDS, and in Peer Counseling to my GLBTQ community in Seattle. But I eventually ended up working mostly with GLBTQ Youth. A big reason for this is because most of the problems that the men and women I had been working with had, all started in their youth, with all of the stuff you have to deal with growing-up GLBTQ in America.

I hope to keep motivating our community to help our youth wherever and whenever we can.

rkainne Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
you are doing great socio-political work, thanx...
inspiredcreativity Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
Thank you. I am very much into Social Justice, especially Juvenile Social Justice, the study of Human nature, and GLBTQ Rights.
redphoenix24us Featured By Owner May 21, 2012
I was aware about the existence of those fascist concentration camps across Europe and America, but I never imagined that it could be this worse. It is so sad that many people with twisted minds still have the guts to call for gay people's death and torture. [link] Do reactionary groups have always been so aggressive in this country? I come from a homophobic, third-word country and those people just resembles the same attitudes.
inspiredcreativity Featured By Owner May 23, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
To answer your question, almost all homophobia in the United States is religious based, either Christian or Muslim. About half of Christians are not actively homophobic and only a small minority are rabidly homophobic. Most Muslims int he world are not actively homophobic (the Arabic brand of islam is a minority on the world). Christianity and Islam, as being taught by clerics, gives some people a justification to be bigots. Bigotry is pervasive in humanity. There is even some bigotry within the GLBTQ community, like Gays against lesbians, putting down more effeminate gays, younger against older, etc.

I get attacked by Christians on a regular basis here on DA, due to my deviations on the Bible and Homosexuality, which I wrote for LGBTQ people having trouble reconciling their faith to their homosexual nature. For me, the saddest thing of all is that the most rabid attackers are kids who have completely bought-into the bigotry of their parents and church. Hatred is so insidious because it can feel good to hate with a passion. It can make a person feel powerful to hate others, especially if they feel god loves them more for hating others.

In the past, Churches directly funded and supported the torture of homosexuals, as well as funding and participating in political movements to outlaw homosexuality, have homosexuals committed to institutions, be lobotomized, etc. Many a church sermons, by priests and ministers, fired-up hatred against homosexuals, and it still continues, to a lesser degree, now.

A very sad thing is that the original Christian Scriptures, in Ancient Greek, never said a word against homosexuality. It is the later translators who lied in their translations. for example, the story of Sodom and Gomorrah, in the old Testament was never seen as having anything to do with Homosexuality, and still isn't y the Jewish faith. but that changed at around 1100 AD, with people giving less money in church, so they needed to created another evil thing to scare people with, and they were trying to wipe out pagans, and homosexuality was seen as a pagan thing. The Ten Commandments, and the words of Jesus, in Matthew, Mark, Luke and John, never said one word against homosexuals or homosexuality.

My parents now live in North Carolina, where the Baptist minister (link you sent me) talked of gathering homosexuals into camps with electrified fences and letting them die. Interestingly he said we would not be able to reproduce and would die-out. We don't usually reproduce anyway, yet in the history of the human race, we remain in about the same percentage of population. This is because it is programmed into the human genome. My parents and brothers live in Asheville, which is actually a very Gay friendly area. The state is polarized like many states. But the Southern States, the Midwest States, and Arizona are much more Homophobic than the rest of the country.

I live in Washington State. We are polarized with far-right Republicans and liberal Democrats. We finally got Domestic partnership rights for GLBTQ people. Then it went up for a public vote to repeal it. We won by only 1%, getting to keep domestic partnership rights. My partner and I have been together for 22 years. We now just got Gay Marriage, but it is also now up for a public vote to repeal it.

What I find amazing in the United States is that the people doing the torturing, and continue to do so today, all call themselves Christians. How can anyone read the teachings of Christ and possibly treat other human beings the way they do? I have personally met few Christians who actually try to live Christ-like. I do not want to lump all Christians into one heap, as that is not fair, but there is certainly a large group of Christians who are inhumane and bigots. Most Muslims are GLBTQ friendly, while a minority will murder you and torture you for it.

Look at this deviation Christians Approve of Torture [link], which is about a Pell poll commissioned by the Catholic Church about Torture. It found that:
72% of American Catholics Approve of Torture
65% of White Protestants & Evangelicals Approve of Torture
51% of Seculars Approve of Torture (those not religious or not believing in Gods)

Genital Electric Shock Aversion Therapy of Homosexuals, as well as other Aversion therapy techniques, are still being used on homosexuals today. They have no direct ties to a church but are all Christian. Mormons are especially still active in Genital Electric Shock Aversion Therapy of Homosexuals. The Mormon Church officially stopped supporting this practice, but there are still "approved practitioners" (counselors and Psychologists) who use this torture now, only it is under the consent of the individual.

You might wonder why an 18-year-old boy would consent to this, but when you are raised all your life in a fundamentalist close-minded community, and you face a shunning, a rejection of your family, freinds and faith, and they tell you they can FIX YOU and make you normal, some are willing to submit to torture and be scarred for life, believing those lies. It is fully legal.

Parents can hire "Youth Transportation Services," where men dressed all in black will wake a child in the middle of the night, handcuff, gag and then blindfold the child, then transport the child across State lines to a Christian camp or school, where they are subjected to extreme humiliation, degradation and aversion therapy (usually using Ammonia), and it is all legal. The idea is to terrorize the child into compliance and make the child more pliable. The law treats children as property of the parents. Some abuse is allowed as a parent's prerogative, as long as it does not get too physical. How much parents can get away with depends very much on where they are located.

Internationally, when it comes to Crimes Against Humanity & Homosexuals, Iran leads the pack. Iran currently performs more Transgender surgeries than any other country in the world. Unfortunately, almost all of them are against the will of those being operated against. Iran clams that that have no homosexuals, because their solution is to force homosexual men to become women and homosexual women to become men.

We are not talking about Transgender people getting surgery, we are talking about homosexual men being turned into women, having their penis removed and pumped up with hormones to generate breasts. Transgender surgery is to help those people who have the brain of one gender and the body of the other gender. It is for those who feel trapped in a body of the wrong gender.

The religious leaders in Iran decided that this was the solution to homosexuality and it is like correcting a birth defect.

If you are actually caught in a homosexual act, then the solution is death, no matter how old you are.


In the above case, it does not even look like the boys involved were caught doing anything. When this happened, the United States did not even officially deplore what happened.

We hope that in another 25 years, the United States will no longer officially discriminate against homosexuality in any way and will see any discrimination as unlawful. Right now, one of out biggest goals is to overturn DOMA (Defense of Marriage Act) which is a Federal law preventing the Federal Government from recognizing any Gay Marriage or domestic partnership performed in any States, and prevents any State from recognizing Gay marriage and Domestic Partnerships performed in other States.

I was born in 1955 and grew up in a period when most people on planet earth felt you were better dead than Queer. We have come a long way. I know it feels like the level of hatred is overwhelming, but believe me, it used to be far, far worse. I sailed on merchant ships (including the Academy) for 17 years, and had to work and live at sea in fear of my life, because they threw queers over the side to die, to drown out in the middle of nowhere‚ it was joked about.

When I walked off my last ship, I swore to never live a lie again, and I have lived openly as a Gay man ever since.

If it is Ok with you, I will send you a Note with a thumbnail list of my GLBTQ related deviations, in case any will of use to you sometime, or to anyone you know.

All the best,

redphoenix24us Featured By Owner May 24, 2012
Thanks for your responses! I see that you are well informed about this issue. It answered my questions.

Definitely, I feel more than fortunate to live here in the United States. Gay crimes and issues related to hate are covered by the media and there is a more organized and active LGBTQ community, as well as many people, organizations and companies support us in many ways. I am just admired by how things work here.

It is just painful to be far away from your home country, even with its problems and struggles. I have good friends there which I love and miss. I had to left my partner behind; I still miss him so much.

I gave up my “faith” long time ago, and this is not only for been a queer, but for all the bad things and horrors religion played in human history: racism, slavery, massacres and wars all justified (or disguised) in the name of it. Maybe you don’t agree completely with me on this point… in my case I just had enough of religion making my life complicated and miserable, that “I throw it up”. I consider myself an Agnostic, and I am sure that that would be the same if I were straight.

Challenges wait for me in this “new world”. It won’t be easy, that’s for sure, but I will pursue the American dream and live a new life without doing the same mistakes of the past.

Thanks again, and best wishes for you.
inspiredcreativity Featured By Owner May 24, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
Hi Santiago,

I am very sorry to hear that you had to leave your partner behind. I hope he will be able to join you sometime in the future, unless that is impossible. I cannot imagine leaving everything and everyone behind. I spent 17 years going to sea on tanker ships and know well what loneliness feels like, but at least I got to come home eventually.

I can tell you that it really helps to have solid goals and to hold onto them. It is what kept me sane and alive through those long difficult years. I worked hard, I saved, I invested, spent little, and was able to come home and not work again at age 34. I then devoted my life to volunteer work. It was my goal that I hung onto for so long, from age 18.

I was born a Catholic, but lost my faith when I was 13-years-old and my Priest said that God saw me as an Abomination and that I would burn in hell for eternity. I had wanted to be a priest—it was shocking to me that I tired to kill myself days later.

I am what is called a Humanist. This simply means that I choose to be a good man of my own free will, without the promise of a heaven nor the threat of a hell, nor a subservience or belief in gods.

If you ever feel a need to talk, feel free to Note me (which is private).

I wish you the very best that life and love can bring to you.

CameronFedora Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2012  Student General Artist
I had to stop reading.
It scared me too much. . .
inspiredcreativity Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
I grew up in the tail end of it. It was very scary being gay. I worked in the merchant marine, going to sea on ships, and the tossed gay people over the side to die. I had to watch everything I said and did very carefully. Even my mail was not private, so my partner Paul became Paula.

I only got away with living with a man because i lived on the West coast and my company was on the East Coast, and i was flown around the world to join ships. Homosexual sex was against the law in most states. Men were sent to prison or psychiatric hospitals.

It was easier for women to live together, because it was common for "spinsters" to live together, and unseemly for women to live alone. But no way men could live together for long and were not supposed to even get a hotel room together.

We need to never forget what has been done to us, and remember that we are responsible for the next generation of LGBTQ people, to fight for their rights. No doubt they will take those rights for granted, but I can tell you that the rights you have now come from a lot of sorrow and blood. This is why the gay parades are so important. they celebrate STONEWALL, when we fought back and said, "NO MORE!" The Gay Revolution was born and the first parade was born.
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