The Faces of Teen Suicide

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TRAGICALLY, another 14-year-old gay boy, Jamey Rodemeyer, has committed suicide after years of Homophobic bullying, on 9-08-11, months after making an, "It Gets Better," YouTube video: abcnews.go.com/Health/gay-buff… www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/b… www.dailymail.co.uk/news/artic…

JUST HANG IN THERE AND IT WILL GET BETTER.

This is a MEMORIAL for all the boys and girls who are killing themselves, most from Bullying and Homophobia in School and in the home.

I show the faces of only a tiny fraction of the kids who have killed themselves. Many, but not all of these kids are Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgender, or Questioning. Others were Perceived as Gay, even if they were not Gay, and sometimes kids are simply called “Gay” as a method of bullying and harassment. Please look and see the faces of those now lost to us, beautiful spirits gone, but not forgotten. It is a horrendous waste. Researching this and writing this was very difficult and resulting in a lot of tears. There were so very many cases and I had to trim it down.

When I was 13 years old, I tried to kill myself and then continued to experience Suicide Ideation past 18 years old. I survived, thrived, and found Love and Happiness.

Today, right now in America, Half (50%) of ALL BOYS who attempt or succeed in killing themselves, are Gay or Bisexual. If you include girls, 29% of ALL CHILDREN who attempt or succeed in killing themselves, are Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgender or Questioning. 85% of all GLBTQ kids have thought seriously about committing suicide.

The Social world of School, and the lack of Freedom and Independence of being under 18, will all go away once you turn 18 and graduate from School.

If any of you are feeling the need to talk to someone about your Depression and suicidal thoughts, feel free to SEND ME A NOTE.

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The TREVOR PROJECT is for helping Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgender, and Questioning YOUTH. It is anonymous and safe.

TOLL FREE 24 HOUR HOTLINE 1-866-488-7386 [ 866 4-U-TREVOR]
The TREVOR website www.thetrevorproject.org/ has many resources.

TrevorSpace www.thetrevorproject.org/float… is a social networking site for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and questioning youth ages 13 through 24 and their friends and allies.

Daniel Radcliff, who plays HARRY POTTER, is a passionate supporter of the Trevor Project, and has done video spots and donated a lot of money. He talks about it here: www.mtv.com/news/articles/1632…

To see videos of other GLBTQ people who survived to find a much better life, check out the

IT GETS BETTER PROJECT www.itgetsbetter.org/

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<sub>This is a small bit of my story:

When I was newly 13 years old, I tried to kill myself by climbing over a chain-link fence on a Freeway overpass. I was almost over it when a passing motorist stopped his car, jumped out and dragged me off the fence. My mother swore me to secrecy, out of shame, and never offered to talk about it or get me any help.
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I did not know what "Gay" meant, but by age 11 I had noticed that I was attracted to boys the way I was supposed to be attracted to girls. At age 12, I fell in-love with Anton Wild, an exchange student from the UK, then he had to go home and I was crushed. I was an Altar boy wanting to be a priest. Then our priest told us boys that, "Boys who are physically attracted to other boys are an abomination in the eyes of God, doomed to burn for an eternity in the everlasting fires of Gahanna." I was repeatedly praying to God to please make me 'Normal.' I could not understand it, I was a good boy, how could I be doomed for something that was not even my choice? It ended up shattering my spirituality, setting me adrift and alone.

My suicide attempt at age 13 was not my only one. Besides being Gay, I am also Autistic. Back then, people simply called you mentally retarded, idiot, stupid, spastic, etc. I was being physically abused almost every day by my older twin brothers. I came close to killing myself at age 16 (up to planning it). I remained very depressed and engaged in suicide ideation until I was 18.

I entered a Maritime Academy (Not military) at age 18, where you had to arrive two weeks early for nothing but hazing. One-third of the incoming class is typically lost in those first two weeks. After the first two days, I was ready to kill myself on Friday, the only time there would be an opportunity. Wednesday night, sitting around with the guys in my division, I suddenly realized that these guys seemed to actually like me and accept me, something I had never felt before, and in an instant, everything changed and the constant hazing became tolerable. Those guys became my new family. The daily regimentation worked well with my Autism and I managed to graduate number one with an accredited Degree in Engineering and a License to sail on ships.

I still had this horrible secret in me, knowing that if they found out, not only would I be summarily outcast, I might actually be killed. For the 17 years that I went to the Academy and then went to sea for a living, I lived with the fear of discovery, loss of career, and the possibility of being tossed over the side of the ship, something that was sometimes done.

When I was 24, it became too much, the hiding, the lying to people I loved, the internalized homophobia, the fear, and I sat on my bed with the barrel of a gun in mouth. I could not imagine coming-out to anyone. As I sat there, my younger sister popped into my head and I wondered if she might accept me, and decided to at least try to come-out to her, and if she rejected me, then I would die. She totally accepted me and said that my being Gay made no difference to her. It was like the weight of a mountain had lifted off of me.

When I was 34, I retired from going to sea and wrote around 50 or so letters to my closest shipmates, coming-out to them about my being Gay. I mailed the letters on my way home from my last ship. When I got home, my partner of 6 years was in the process of leaving me for another guy, and he told me that he had been cheating on me every time I went to sea. My Autism kept me very isolated when I was not at sea, and I basically lived through my partner and his friends. My life centered on taking care of him and pleasing him.

Letters started to arrive from the 50 or so shipmates I came-out to. It was horrible. There were death threats and about two-thirds of the letters were Hate-filled, "I hope you get AIDS and die and agonizing death," "Disgusting Faggot," "Burn in Hell," "You don't deserve to live," and others far too vile for me to write here. The other third of the letters were very supportive and nice, but the horror of the hate letters was too much for me. These were supposed to be my best mates, my friends.

I tried to get through it all, but one night it became too much and I tried to gas myself in my car. The only thing that saved me was that I had taken some of my ex-partners sedatives to help me drift-off in the car, and I had an allergic reaction to them, waking up violently vomiting, which propelled me out of the car. I asked myself again if there was any way I could keep living like this, and the answer was still "No." But I did wonder if there was any way to fundamentally change my life. It seemed very unlikely, but I decided I needed to at least try, if not for me, for those who cared about me. I called a SUICIDE HOTLINE.

I finally got the help I needed to overcome depression and started working to overcome the worst effects of my Autism. Life became very good. I made a lot of friends, learned how to dance, and met my partner of over 20+ years now. What it took was my courage to reach out for help and the courage and determination to work on my issues.
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I wish that I had reached out for help long before, instead of waiting until I hit rock bottom, almost dying in the process. Part of the problem than was that most people knew very little about mental health issues back then, and I was raised believing you had to solve your own problems and never talk about them.

I hope you can see the message of HOPE here. Once I got help, I committed myself completely to getting better, and in about 3 months I was feeling much better, and in about 6 months I was actually having fun and enjoying life a bit. In a year my life was completely turned around and I was healthy enough to recognize Greg as the love of my life.

When you are DEPRESSED, it is hard to reach out to others because depression is very isolating. Depression also twists and distorts your thinking. Depression will tell you that you will never get better that no one cares that you are unloved, and on and on—and it is all a LIE. You CAN overcome depression. Talk to someone, get help. Life can be Wondrous, but you may have to reach for it and work for it.

Matthew</sub>